Category Archives: Meditation

March 3, 2013 · 8:16 pm

Seeing in the Dark

What do you see when you close your eyes?  Or is the point not to see but to allow yourself to open up to other, perhaps less dominant, senses?  Consider the common situations in which you focus with eyes closed – when preparing for sleep, when desirous of intensifying a sensation being experienced, or perhaps to avoid imprinting an image that is disturbing or frightening.  Most examples probably fit into these categories, though there may be times when you close your eyes in order to embrace a moment of stillness and quiet.  These last are the moments that invite a closer look.

When you close eyes initially, there can be a sense of  noticing the quality of the darkness.  It can show up differently – sometimes close and heavy, at other times cool and spacious, and, of course, with a range of sensations in between.  Sometimes it seems as if the dark is right in front of your face, and, at other times, it can feel as though it envelops your entire body.  This is the period of settling in, and it carries you past the first few moments.  So, if your intention is for more than a 20 second break, what is it that happens next?

Ah…  This is the place that has the potential for the real beginning of a new and potentially life changing experience.   Suppose you are closing your eyes to begin  meditation or checking in with your inner self during your yoga practice or while being supported through a yoga therapy session.  In any of these scenarios, sliding into the darkness allows you to shift focus to what’s happening from the inside out.  It’s a different perspective.  It’s one that frees you in a way from the connection to the senses; it changes the perspective from which you are taking in the world around you.  That shift allows a mindful space to simply be with yourself.

There is something about being in the dark that provides a new, in the moment,  experience.  It’s different every time, and you can never be sure who or what you will encounter.  Of course, after a moment or two, your mind will jump in to fill what it perceives as a void.  Thoughts of future and past, judgments, expectations and concerns are just some of the characters that will take up space in the dark.  What might it look like to greet them, welcome them in, invite them to sit with you a while?  Consider it like “working the room” in a social setting where you acknowledge each guest, listen a bit and move on, never getting too involved with each individual but keeping close awareness of the bigger picture.   Perhaps not a comfortable analogy but a serviceable one.  The point is not to become too attached to any one thought or emotion but not to fight against them or try to shut them out as you move from one to the next.

How would it be to enter the dark with the kind of anticipation of seeing a great movie you’ve heard about – to bring that kind of energy in but without the sense of attachment to what the movie turns out to be?  Might that draw you to want to sit in meditation or close eyes during yoga practice or a yoga therapy session and see what happens?  Think of the richness that is you and all that is waiting to be discovered.  Most of all, allow yourself to entertain the possibility of getting to know the person you are from the inside out.

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February 21, 2013 · 5:41 pm

The Changing Face of Familiar

Most of the time we go through our days following a schedule or routine that is more or less familiar.  Even when it’s a day without a schedule or one that contains some new adventure,  there are enough elements within it to provide us with the continuity of what’s familiar.  I wonder if we realize just how much we rely on our day to day lives to always have this kind of consistency.  We certainly experience a level of comfort in expecting that the sun will rise every morning, the earth will stay solid under our feet and other aspects of our lives will remain stable.

Consider the times you encounter a new experience – an event that’s happened to you, a situation where you are asked to do something you’ve never done before or maybe you’re involved in learning new skills.  In each case, you find yourself evaluating and categorizing what’s before you.  We all do this – checking out our experience to identify elements that are known or maybe similar to what we already know.  Of course, this process keeps us from becoming overwhelmed by having to take in so much that’s new that we cannot move forward.  We even follow this pattern every time when we meet a stranger, comparing his appearance, voice or mannerisms to others we already know.

As we go from one day to the next, the elements in our lives that are familiar become expectations for our future.  Say I meet someone who bears a strong resemblance to my sister.  It would not be unusual for me to allow my feelings about and attitude towards my sister to influence my interactions with this new person.  At some point, however, as the new relationship develops, the bearing of my familiar sense will give way to create space for the “newly” familiar.  This is the way we operate, though often it’s not as smooth a process as it might seem.

There can be clinging and aversion that get in the way of actually seeing or appreciating the new experience as it is, or, in the case above, the person as she is.   We  become attached to the way things are, to what we know, to who we are or to what we have.  The attitudes and feelings we bring can mask what we otherwise might see or hear or feel.  It requires conscious awareness to determine how open and unencumbered we can be in greeting what is new.   Even with the intention to remain open,  “new” doesn’t stay that way for long.

The drive to be comfortable, surrounded by the familiar, is very strong.  It is part of what helps us survive and negotiate our environment.  Often we sort of slide right  into reframing a new experience into one that is familiar.  But when a life changing event occurs, it’s not so easy.  Transforming upheaval into familiar or comfortable takes some effort though it can happen nonetheless.   Consider Stockholm syndrome, or attitudes/behaviors of victims of abuse or violence or natural disasters.  Not to reduce the effects of such events to a simplistic level, but certainly some element of the drive to incorporate familiarity is present.   In particular, when a situation is not an isolated occurrence but continues over  a period of time, a person habituates himself to what is happening around him.  This process itself does not  indicate an attitude of acceptance or approval; instead it carries with it the intention of supporting the individual in moving ahead with his life.  As with so many other aspects of our lives, this changing face of familiar is a process that serves us better when we can bring awareness to it.  The practice of mindfulness, which can be supported through meditation and yoga,  has been found to assist in providing clearer intention for times when we are in this process.   Being mindful in the moment can help us understand when expectations based on our familiar lives are getting in the way of clear seeing.  It can also create the potential for an opening toward newness or change or whatever is different from what we’ve known before, leading us hopefully to a more authentic, less automatic, way of living.

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January 14, 2013 · 4:52 pm

Losing and Retrieving Perspective

Perspective is the kind of tool that we don’t normally even think of as a tool, let alone attempt to understand it’s impact on our lives.  Looking toward the beginning of a new year, it makes sense to take a closer look at how our perspective affects what we do and our view of who we are.  For the most part we consider our perspective to reflect the reality of ourselves and the world around us.  We function as if our view of life is a mirror giving a clear image of everything exactly as it is.  Might there be a bit more to it than that?

There seems to be a continuum on which our perspective, on any given day or at any given moment, is poised.  Not to say that one is good or bad or better than the other, but it can be important to distinguish which is which.  How does this perspective or point of view or frame of reference serve us now?  What can we learn from viewing what’s happening from a different perspective?  How can we keep from getting stuck in one way of seeing or understanding and develop the ability to shift perspective?  The bigger question is whether we have a choice in how to view what’s happening in the moment of being in it.

I suspect we develop an affinity for some particular way of looking at ourselves and our life situations.  We may have a propensity for diving into a narrow view or a close up of what we are looking at.  It can be a matter of focus – sometimes it is more functional to focus awareness on what is right in front of us and other times it serves us better to step back and take a broader view.  But there must be a level of awareness that helps us discern which view to lean into or away from.

Sometimes the situations in which we find ourselves cause a shift in our view without our even being aware.  When life offers what feels like too much, in the midst of shock or overwhelm, it can seem that we have lost perspective.  Unable to focus on detail or take in the bigger picture, how is it possible to sort through what is in front of you?  Seems the first step is to appreciate exactly where you are right now – breathing in and out in a conscious way, feeling your body whatever way it is at the moment and simply noticing.  Being mindful of what’s happening now.

Most of what gets in the way during times like these is the drive to act or respond in the face of not knowing what to do next.  Or it may be the desire for the situation to be different.  In either case, your energy is committed to this drive or that desire.  If instead, you take a deep breath and allow yourself to be fully where you are, you open up space for a shift in perspective and a choice to be made.  Being in the present moment supports your ability to step back and take in the bigger picture and also to focus in on the detail but to do both in a less energetically attached way.

Appreciate that this way of being present to yourself is essentially a moment of freedom.  Enjoy it.  Savor it.  Acknowledge that it will change.  And smile, because you can always get it back.

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December 7, 2012 · 10:11 pm

Moving Past the Storm

You might think it easy to determine whether you are moving forward, stepping backward or captured in the stillness that lies between.  It may be, however, that your ability to do this depends directly on how you are connected to your surroundings.   The quality of the threads that attach you to the people, objects and events in your life make it more or less possible to know what kind of movement is happening for you in the moment.   A strong attachment to something or someone outside of you, by its nature, pulls you off center, and the strength of that connection affects the energy and effort required to remain centered.   Weaker sensations may not sway you one way or the other.  They may not even figure in your movement consciousness; perhaps their influence is so subtle that it bypasses awareness altogether.  In either case, we may not be as independent as we think we are.

What really determines our spatial orientation?  Isn’t movement, after all, always in relation to a central point?   You can be moving toward or away from this point or even staying in place, where movement is happening without having committed to a particular direction.  What’s most important here is that movement is relational.  And, in many respects, we truly are relational beings.

Once you acknowledge whether you are moving forward, stepping back and remaining still, do you find yourself accepting of where you are on that continuum?  Would you rather be at a different point?  This stage is often where the “shoulds” show up, sometimes masked as nagging perceptions of others who seem to be further along than you.   Have you ever picked up the energy from the people around you – finding yourself swept up in the momentum of wants or needs that are driving others?  How difficult or easy is it to step aside, let them run past and follow your own path?

It can, especially during times of great upheaval in our lives, require extraordinary  energy to hold your own ground, to tap into our own inner wisdom.  It can sometimes be impossible to hear the voice inside or even be aware that it is there behind the louder, more insistent voices outside our own.  Especially difficult is when we find ourselves in a situation that is new, for which we lack the framework of experience.  At times like these, we often feel the need to look elsewhere to find the expertise  or experience to help us find our way.  Not a bad choice, however, how might it possible to remain grounded within ourselves in the midst of looking outside ourselves?

How would it be to take a deeper breath, focus on what’s happening now in the present moment as if it’s the most important time for you?  There you are within the stillness of a mindful presence – perhaps only for the very briefest of times – but might it not be enough to notice what direction you are headed?  Maybe the surge is interrupted long enough to allow the element of choice to surface and help determine whatever movement follows.  And perhaps, in that brief experience, is the opportunity to realize the possibility of carrying the stillness with you as you move, knowing that forward and back are all part of the changing journey that we take.

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November 16, 2012 · 9:38 am

Detritus of a Storm

How richly important it is to appreciate the ways in which we bring our stories forward into the present of our daily lives.  We carry the history of who we are in days, months and years past in the cellular memory throughout our body-mind.  These form the narrative of who we believe ourselves to be today.  Undoubtedly this ongoing story line shapes the way we negotiate life, helping us to categorize experiences and recognize similarities in new situations as we move into future moments.  It forms the basis of learning and supports the foundation of our growth into adulthood and in life.

Yet, while it is essential to our survival as a species, we are prone to add elements to the story, extra details, emotional overtones, alternate endings (or beginnings), hidden meanings or agendas.  It sometimes seems as if we judge the original screenplay too simple, begging us to embellish the bare bones to make it more of whatever we want it to be.  Another way in which we create a more fuller narrative about who we are is by surrounding ourselves with objects.  Each object carried forward becomes a repository for additional aspects of the story of who we are, who we have been, who we will be going forward or who we want to be in the eyes of others.

Object acquisition may seem like a foreign concept since the way we grasp onto things is so much a part of our routine pattern of behavior that it seems beyond normal.  It fulfills a need; it’s part of the everyday.  Maybe, if we are so inclined, we can, through the practice of mindfulness meditation or yoga, come to see how we become attached to the objects we have.  And we might even create an intention to let go of objects not needed any longer or develop a different perspective on the items we keep.  This shift requires that we interrupt the connective threads that bind us to these things, changing the way we see or understand the meaning or purpose of an object.  In this manner, we might feel that we have taken a few more steps along the path of wisdom.

Or, so it seems, until some great event befalls us where many of the possessions we have are destroyed.  Hurricane Sandy has resulted in just such a huge emptying out, all at once, in a manner that felt more like a physical wrenching and breaking apart.  And, as much as we hold the sense of what has happened as a mere letting go of objects and not a greater loss, attention must be paid to the personal stories that are woven amongst the wreckage.  In the pile of refuse  are things that had some meaning for us, and herein lie the narrative of our lives.  There may be treasures, utilitarian items, even some that were long ago forgotten in a box, others in the process of being let go, given away or thrown out.  Memories of some sort are associated with all of them.  In the moments of clearing out these remnants of destruction, we are asked to let go of these parts of our history.

It’s important to realize that we have choices about how we let these objects go.  Some carry memories that need to be loved as we release them.  Some that deserve acknowledgment of the purpose they served.  Some are simply reminders, placeholders of an earlier time – or perhaps not so simple in that they stir emotions as they lie there, tangled in the past and present.  I wonder if the biggest choice that faces us is in the understanding that these objects and the history that they represent are not who we really are.  It can be okay to let them go, coming back to what’s happening now and the fullness of who we are in this moment.

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November 14, 2012 · 5:33 pm

The New Reality of Now

Amazing how what is real for you in the day-to-day of your life can shift over the course of one single day to become a very different reality.  The ground of what has been real can be wiped away and turned upside down.  And when it is more than your private experience, when it happens to your whole community, it’s not simply your inner ground that is affected – it’s the entire landscape of your life.

Hurricane Sandy has recently presented us with just such a new reality.  What is generally an isolative experience – that of a major life crisis or tragedy – is, for us, a shared new way of living.  Both the inner and outer landscape has shifted dramatically.  Familiar structures are gone – ripped apart and broken pieces strewn about the neighborhood.  Sections of boardwalk in the front yard of a house down the block, mud and muck rising six feet in so many houses, blocks of burnt remnants of what was recently home to friends and neighbors.

You’ve seen the look on peoples’ faces – you know it from photos or the news footage showing people in locations following a disaster (natural or otherwise).  It’s the vacant stare, the paralysis of movement, the bare initiation of taking a step towards something or someone and then the loss of direction.  It’s shock – we all know what that is, or do we?  From the inside it feels like an overload of information that cannot be processed, because it doesn’t quite fit the reality we have known up until that point.  There is no way to create an opening to let it in, to understand what it means, since the meaning carries with it a felt sense of being too much, too different, too upsetting, too disturbing a reality to accept.  This is the sense before emotions even surface or become clear.  This is the preverbal experience of one’s whole body having lost the sense of ground beneath one’s feet.

What happens next is a check in – verifying the inner reality of who and what you are.  Reverting to survival mode is a way to find the new ground, establish new parameters of this new reality.  Breathing?  Body intact?  Family alive?  The level of awareness contracts around the immediate reality and then moves outward.  From that changed perspective, it is easier to take a look around and begin to bring forth words like “devastation” and “catastrophe” to describe the scene before you.

Then the questions emerge, because there is, after all, a sense of forward momentum stirring even in the midst of not knowing where to begin.  How do you start when you are still processing what it is that’s finished, ended and no longer present.  But it does begin, the next step taken because you experience a shared feeling, connection to a community of people that moves you forward – that doesn’t allow for stasis.

Maybe that’s the moment of remembering that nothing is permanent, that you’ve been fooled again into expecting that it would be.  The moment of knowing once more that this is the way things are – shifting, changing, never staying the same.  Perhaps it means it’s time to take in a deeper breath and appreciate that we are in it – not apart – from the momentum of being alive.  We have what we have right now and that “now” has already become a new reality, and sometimes that change shows up in a bigger way, on a much bigger screen, louder and more intense than what we’ve experienced before.  Comforting then to realize that we have the shared connection of community to support our own ground of being in taking whatever next step we need to take.

This post is dedicated to all those affected by Hurricane Sandy and offered in gratitude for the many who have shown up to provide real, hands-on assistance.  Blessings on all of you.

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May 5, 2012 · 3:15 pm

Witness Consciousness/Conscious Witnessing

While this title seems a bit erudite and formal, the subject is intensely personal.  It’s personal in the sense that, in order to be a conscious witness for someone else, one first must be a conscious witness to oneself.  And tapping into this ability requires developing one’s own witness consciousness.  Okay, a bit of a word game happening here, but take a deep breath and allow yourself to appreciate how this might work.

First there must be something to witness in you.  This may be layers of thoughts, emotions, physical sensations or whatever is happening now for you even when you don’t know exactly what it is, when it’s not more than a felt sense in your body-mind.  Doesn’t it make sense that you would have to dive in and explore the inner caves of your self to see what’s there, so that at least you might be able to give it a name.  Naming is an important step in connecting to witness consciousness.  It needn’t be the “right” name as long as it is a name that gives some context to the feeling, thought or sensation.

All of us are familiar with the experience of noticing some irritation or disturbance just below the surface but not understanding where it’s coming from or what it’s really about.  So, it simmers, coming to a slow (or not so slow) boil, and then it’s out there in the world demanding to be seen, heard and felt.  These experiences seldom retire into the shadows and disappear – or, if they do, it’s with the intention to return at a later date – often bigger and stronger than before.

The process that allows us to name what is happening is witness consciousness.  This relatively simple act of stepping back and disengaging from what holds our attention also helps remove us from the center of the storm.  Our perspective becomes clearer.  Our awareness is focused on the issue at hand but isn’t attached to it.  We are able to appreciate the feelings, thoughts, sensations for what they are and for the fact that they are not the whole of who we are.  Then the shoulders relax and the tension in muscles dissipates, along with the sense of forward flung momentum that may also have been present.  What’s left is a clearer view of who we are, right here, right now.  From this new perspective, it can be so much easier to know what our next step needs to be.

How then to  apply this witness consciousness to the act of being a conscious witness for another person?  Perhaps the most visible way is to come from a place of knowing the truth of who you are, without attachment to your own thoughts, feelings, sensations.  In other words, show up with clear vision of what you have named for yourself so that it doesn’t create an agenda for what you might want to see or to happen for the other person.

The next time you are called to be authentically present for someone, bring awareness to your ability to say, “I can let go of wanting him to be like me or be different than he is.  I can be accepting of who he is right now.”  Then notice how it can be to offer appreciation and support as a conscious witness while standing in your own witness consciousness.

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April 3, 2012 · 8:00 pm

The Ground of Being

The Ground of Being is more than a working concept for those of us who have incorporated the practices of meditation, mindfulness and yoga into our lives.   When one has had an experience of this ground of being, it becomes an actual felt sense in one’s body and, thereafter, each visit is like returning home.  So, what is it?  How does one describe what shows up in this felt sense?  Why is it even important to consider?

I imagine the answers to these questions require an appreciation of what motivates us to do meditation and yoga.  Perhaps what draws us to these practices is an inner knowing that there is a connection to something larger than our smaller selves.  Or perhaps it’s simply that we want to explore whatever connection we have to who we really are.  That would mean setting aside the daily chronicle of words that speaks to us from inside – you know, the words that accompany every action and intention that we have throughout the day.  Because, after all, we are really much more (or less) than the thoughts and emotions that are attached to us as we take our next breath or next step.

Doesn’t it sometimes feel as if  what’s inside us is always moving, shifting from one thought or feeling to the next with almost no space in between?  What of silence?  Is there really nothing there when we are silent – or is that when the door opens even wider to let in more words, opinions, judgments and the like?  So, maybe the task before us is not so much to explore silence as to create space, take a step back so that our perspective is from a larger viewpoint.  With that action of stepping back, however subtle, a shift happens and space opens.  It may not be a lot, but just enough for us to see that our thoughts and emotions arise out of somewhere.  They are not present all the time.  There is much movement in them, even though at times the movement may seem quite circular as we are drawn back to the same issue over and over again.

So, where do they arise from?  Certainly not from nothing!  There is some ground, some sense of spacious awareness, from which all these thoughts and feelings come, take up space and then recede again.  That is the Ground of Being, the larger awareness that we all have, more or less masked by the constant filling up with words, judgments and opinions.  And while these may serve us in our day to day functioning, what might it be like to return home as it were, to the spacious awareness that is in us, that connects us with the Ground of Being in everything.  This may seem like a difficult task if looked at as a goal to get to and then reside in.  The easier path would be to carry the intention of touching it briefly, over and over again.

Remember that it’s always there, never lost.  It’s simply a matter of noticing, observing while stepping back, shifting perspective.  How amazing to realize that in the midst of all that changes, there is a connection to this larger spacious awareness!  Doesn’t that just make you want to smile…

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February 16, 2012 · 12:19 pm

Discipline – Got it or Not

It’s really amazing how one simple word can bring with it so much energy and angst!  “Discipline” is definitely one such word – one that accompanies us often from childhood all the way through to where we stand today as adults.  Ever notice the harshness in it?  Or is it simply seriousness?  Difficult to say, and of course, it depends on our first introduction to the many layers underneath the linear aspects of its ten individual letters.

I suspect that each of us has our own story – the story of our relationship to discipline.  Maybe it began at a time when you were “disciplined” as a child or were criticized for a lack of discipline.  How does this translate into your present attitude toward being disciplined in the way you approach your practice of yoga or meditation?  Does “discipline” have to mean that you show up to practice every day for a certain period of time, even that you show up in a certain way?  I’m not so sure.

It would seem that discipline generally applies to those practices which we do not embrace easily.  So, it takes some resolve to get on the mat or the cushion and then more energy to follow through with what we are there to do.    I might add that there seems some sense of obligation or doing the right thing that accompanies this resolve.  Interesting that we seldom speak of activities of love or true enjoyment by using the word “discipline.”  When I think of doing an activity that I love, there is an inner drive that pulls me toward it even when I’m not actually engaged in it.  My thoughts don’t dwell in a negative space that overflows with berating words when I haven’t done it everyday.  Perhaps this is in part because there are no “shoulds” attached to these activities – they feel much more like gifts and easy to welcome when they do happen.

How would it be to face your yoga practice or sitting in meditation as though you were accepting a most precious gift?  If you show up so that your presence is drawn there by this inner drive, there may be more excitement at what can happen during these moments ahead.  Even if you feel you are still learning technique, still developing the skills needed to feel that you are accomplished at yoga or meditating, can you be a loving presence for yourself in this practice?  Perhaps that is, in truth, the bottom line – that you show up with compassion for yourself in the doing.  Even if you are a beginner, or a beginner again, you show up as if you are about to receive a wonderful gift.

This isn’t about the work required.  A change in attitude doesn’t mean that the practice will be easy, although you can explore the possibility of being more at ease with it.  The point is that how you frame the experience will undoubtedly influence what your practice will be like.  Of course, it will be different on different days.  No point trying to introduce sameness.   But honestly, doesn’t receiving your practice as a gift feel so much more supportive to moving forward with it than a more “disciplined” approach.  I can already hear some of you saying, “But sometimes I need the kick in the ass that comes with discipline in order to get on my mat or my cushion!”  So, perhaps at times like these, what you really need is to give yourself the “kick ass” gift of compassion!

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January 6, 2012 · 7:31 pm

Facing Forward, Looking Back

Consider that you are at that moment in your life, probably one of many such moments, when you are conscious of a focus on what lies ahead of you.  I am aware of your smile as you think about how you do that almost every day.  The moment that I am speaking of is the one where you set an intention about what’s next – not necessarily with worry or apprehension or dread or even excitement, and, yes, it might actually include all those feelings.  However, what’s important about this looking ahead moment is the attitude with which you are facing forward.

Isn’t this, in fact, what you do, intentionally or otherwise, at this time of witnessing the transition to a new year?  So, how’s that going for you?  Is it all about what could have been different during the past twelve months, or is it about how you resolve that this year will be different?  There’s such a wide open space in between that sometimes it seems better to focus on what’s happening now!

So, standing at the edge of your yoga mat or sitting on your meditation cushion, take in a deeper breath – in through your nose and let it fall out of your mouth – feel your shoulders let go a bit – and settle into who you are right now.  What is ahead of you might seem like it encompasses the whole of your journey, moving toward some inner (or outer) goal.    It is possible though, to experience it as simply the next step on your journey and then whatever happens after that.  This is not to say that you don’t need a plan, but your plan may have little to do with the attitude that surfaces for you when facing forward.

Suppose that you bring to this moment, imagining what’s ahead, the strength of standing in your truth – it doesn’t have to be an astounding truth; it can be a simple truth (as most really are).  What’s significant is bringing your awareness to an opening in how you greet what’s ahead.  The image that comes to mind is standing or sitting in stillness with hands open to receive.  Isn’t that how you want to be greeting this next step on your journey?  If you are open to receive, then whatever happens next can be used, can serve you in moving forward.  You will have welcomed it without judgment or preconceived ideas about how it is supposed to be.  Then it can be a gift…

Of course, the other side of facing forward is looking back.  That can be a stuck place, full of story, where bags are weighed down with what has gone before.  So, without exploring all those past moments, perhaps it would be enough to find a place to put them, at least temporarily.  Certainly, it’s possible to find space in a closet or rent a storage locker.  You will be wanting your next step to be less encumbered; you can always retrieve later what has been set aside.

Then, see how this feels in your body – how letting go translates into lightening up and, perhaps, more energy.  It doesn’t matter that it’s not forever; what is crucial is that, at this moment, you are free to face forward with an open attitude and receive what’s next.  Happy New Year!

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